


The Curse of Fear

by sorryabouttheangst



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Divorce, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Finn Skywalker, Finn is Luke’s Son, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Infertility, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Rey Needs A Hug, Soft Ben Solo, Stress, There’s a lot of crying, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vomit Mention, christmas mention, fainting mention, itll get better though, mentions of ivf, parenting, so much crying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22204714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryabouttheangst/pseuds/sorryabouttheangst
Summary: They're destined to fall out of love, the latest couple in a long line of ugly divorces and custody agreements in his family’s history. Everyone’s just holding their breath, waiting for the inevitable announcement to reach them, but Rey and Ben are determined to stay together even when things get tough.
Relationships: Cassian Andor & Rey, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Finn & Luke Skywalker, Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn/Rose Tico, Jyn Erso & Rey, Past Leia Organa/Han Solo - Relationship, Past Padme Amidala/Anakin Skywalker - Relationship, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	The Curse of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> Had this idea this morning and knew I had to write it. It’s very different from anything I’ve ever written, and I hope that you like it! I’m trying to keep everyone as close to in-character as I can so if you have any advice/critiques please let me know!

“I’m not leaving you.”

Ever since she heard the offhand comment in the hallway of the hospital, her and Ben still deep in the haze of brand-new-baby and a lack of sleep, she’s been saying it to him every morning; as if it could change what she heard, or that it would fix his family history.

_ “We used to look like that, you know? It was the beginning of the end.” _

Rey understood why Han had said it, not thinking she could hear, but it still stung like salt rubbed deep into wounds. He had no idea that she knew how on the day of his granddaughter’s birth he predicted that her parents would split. He’d never know, if Rey had the choice. 

She didn't want to have to deal with the apologies, the awkwardness of it all.

“I’m not leaving him.” She said to the mirror, resolve set in her face, “It won’t happen again.”

. . .

Christmas was complicated, to say the least.

Han and Leia are divorced in that sarcastic, angry way, the chemistry remaining but personalities clashing and arguments starting until someone changes the topic. Padme and Anakin are more complicated, still so deeply in love but separated by the past. 

Rey didn’t know the details, not really, only that the split happened while Padme was still a Senator. She moved to Arizona with the still close family friend, Ben Kenobi, leaving Anakin behind in Washington, but by the time she had the twins later that year things had improved slightly. The five of them moved into a house in the beautiful lake country outside Washington, Varykino, and the twins grew up there. 

Luke later met Han at the Air Force Academy and him and Leia happened to meet through him.

Luke was the only one who had not personally dealt with the curse, preferring to stay unmarried and away from it. He had adopted a son, years ago, a boy named Finn, who the rest of the family adored. 

Finn and Rose were engaged now, and Rey had already started hearing the little remarks. Not cruel, no, not mean spirited, just  _ resigned. _

She and Rose had married into a family that stopped believing in love that stuck around decades ago, and while the comments weren’t her favorite, they were a part of it. 

“Maybe they'll be lucky?” Rey found herself saying to Ben in the car on the way home from the festivities.

“Maybe.”

Ria stayed asleep in her carseat, the 7-month-old unaware of her parents’ troubled thoughts, and Rey took a moment in the darkness and silence of the backseat of the car, the only sounds being her daughter and husband’s breathing over the barely-there hum of the Christmas radio station, to cry.

“Do you think we’ll be lucky?” She didn’t mean to ask, didn’t even think about the words before they left her mouth, the way her voice trembled making it clear that she’d been crying.

Ben went still for a long moment, and when he spoke it was soft.

“I hope so.”

The rest of the drive was silent. Not an uncomfortable silence, no, just weary, but it still made Rey cry more.

When the car finally stopped outside the apartment building, he got out of the car. She thought for a brief second that he was going to go in, leave her behind with the baby, assuming that she was behind him, and then her door opened. 

The ceiling light clicked on, illuminating both their faces, their matching red eyes and blotchy cheeks. His arms wrapped around her then, one hand moving to unclick her seatbelt and pull her out of it before he climbed into the backseat with her. It was cramped, and she knew it must be worse for him with how tall he was, but he pulled the door shut behind him, locking out the cold, and just held her for the longest time. 

He held her against his chest, foreheads pressed together, so close they were breathing the same air and there was nothing in the world but each other. 

“I’m not leaving you.” She told him again, “ _ I’m not.” _

He nodded against her forehead, “I’m not either. We’re lucky, we’ve got to be.”

He held her till his legs went numb, and then for a little while after that, and then he held her hand as they carried their daughter inside.

. . .

Ria turned one, and if people hadn't been treating them like a ticking time bomb before they sure were  _ now.  _

“I’m so tired of being asked how we are with that _tone._ The ‘I know one of these days you're going to say something other than good’ tone _. I_ _hate it._ ”

Cassian nodded solemnly, leaning back in his chair and Rey continued to wave around her water glass with a frustrated look on her face.

“And now Finn and Rose are about to have to deal with it too and  _ they shouldn't have to.  _ Doesn’t the expectation of failure always lead to failure? Why can’t there be some small shred of hope in these people that we aren't going to ruin our marriages like they did?”

She was on the verge of tears again, and it made her angry.

“And now I’m crying again, great. I’ve been so emotional lately and I don’t get why I can’t pull it together. How am I supposed to talk about having hope and faith and not expecting to fail if I’m constantly crying over my marriage that is still perfectly fine.”

“Rey,” Jyn appeared in the doorway, “Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

Rey sputtered, looking over at Jyn as if she’d grown an extra head, “Why would I? I’m not even late, and you know that it took IVF to have Ria.”

“Call it intuition, a gut feeling. You’re taking one.”

She dragged Rey back into the master bathroom, dug a pair of cheap tests out of the bottom drawer, and demanded she use them before shutting the bathroom door behind her.

“It’s probably just the stress, you know that right?” Rey yelled out at her once she’d set the tests on the counter and set the timer on her phone.

“It could be, but let me figure out if my gut feeling is right or not. Can I come back in yet?”

“Sure.”

The door swung open and Jyn stepped in, moving over to sit on the floor against the tub with Rey.

“You two,” She hesitated, thinking through what she wanted to say, “I’ve got faith in you both. I’ve never seen two people with a stronger bond, and it doesn't matter what his family thinks, just because they have a pattern doesn't mean that you'll be the same. Or Rose and Finn, for that matter. I think they've convinced themselves not to hope for the best so they don't get hurt.”

Rey nodded, “They're tired, too. I think that Han and Leia breaking up and getting back together all through Ben’s childhood just made them give up on everyone. I know Ben hated it, and I know he doesn’t want Ria to go through that too.”

Jyn put an arm around her shoulders, and Rey leaned into her side.

“I just want to be his wife,” She whispered, “I don’t want to have to worry every single day that one of these days I’ll be his ex-wife instead.”

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Since she was born.”

Jyn sighed sadly, pulling Rey closer, “Have you talked to him about it?”

“Kinda. Not in depth but he knows I've been upset about it.”

“You two need to get completely on the same page. We can even take the baby for the night if you want. Just say the word.”

The phone alarm went off then, startling them both, and Rey reached over to turn it off.

“I’ll let you know. Now, let me show you that your gut feeling is wrong.”

She blindly grabbed at the counter until she found the pair of tests and brought them down to eye level.

She froze, staring at the double lines on both.

The  _ dark _ double lines, like the ones that hadn’t shown up till she was almost nine weeks along with Ria, when she’d actually taken one to use for their announcement.

Her free hand came up to her mouth, and her vision blurred with tears.

“Hand me the box?”

“I’ve already checked it twice,” Jyn breathed, voice shaky, “That’s one hundred percent positive.”

. . .

The drive to pick up Ria from Ben Kenobi, who had insisted since Ben was born that everyone call him Obi to prevent confusion, went by in a blur.

Obi gave her a curious look when she picked up her daughter, clearly reading something on her face, and raised an eyebrow. 

“It’s nothing. Just a long day,” She lied, smiling and pretending like her entire world wasn't about to change. 

They hadn’t even talked about another baby yet. 

“Alright then,” He patted Rey’s shoulder, “Let me know if you need anything, alright?”

She nodded, and got back in the car, driving home and desperately trying to figure out how in the world she was going to tell Ben that they were having another baby. 

Ria went down for her nap, and Rey stood in the nursery, watching her breathe.

“Hey.” 

Rey turned around, finding Ben leaning against the doorframe.

“I didn’t hear you come in.”

She crossed the floor to him, going into his arms without question, burying her face in his chest as if his heartbeat could erase every worry from her mind.

“Hey,” He said again, but softer, and pulled away a bit, “You okay?”

Rey sighed, “Yeah, I’ll be alright.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she pulled the door to the nursery shut, stepping out into the hallway and leading him back down the stairs to the kitchen.

She felt like she was going to puke or faint, whichever came first, so just in case the fainting happened she went ahead and sat down on the sofa. 

“We need to talk about your family.”

It came out unsteady,  _ very unsteady,  _ voice trembling and hands shaking, anxiety coiling in her gut again. 

He nodded, sighing, “Yeah, we do.”

“I can’t…” She hesitated, but Jyn’s voice in the back of her mind pushed her on, “I can’t live the rest of my life with you with everyone implying that I'm going to be your ex-wife eventually. I’ve been stressed about it every day since Ria was born, and especially now. It’s only getting worse.”

The silence stretched out, and she felt that familiar burn behind her eyes, “I don’t want to lose you,  _ ever.  _ And don’t we owe our daughter a life where love and hope can be in the same room? So she doesn't have to grow up feeling like she’ll only be happy alone because if she gets married it’s all going to fall apart because of a curse?”

“She does.” Ben’s jaw clenched, “And you do too. I’m sorry.”  
  


His eyes filled with tears and on cue, hers did as well.

“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you like I should have. I should have spoken up a long time ago.”

“It’s okay,” She said, and he shook his head, raw hurt in his eyes. 

“It’s not, and you know it.”

“Ben-”

“I love you. You and Ria mean more to me than anything else in the world. Do you remember what we vowed, by the firepit when we visited Finn the spring before we got engaged?”

“That neither of us were alone.” Her throat clenched with tears, “That we weren't nothing, especially not to each other.”

“I broke that vow, I left you alone with these feelings. I saw that something was wrong but I didn't know what to say because I was afraid if I did, it’d end us. I can list a dozen times off the top of my head when my dad asked my mom what was wrong and one of them was moving out again by the next day.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Rey said, suddenly angry. Not at him, no, but at the world, at his parents for making him witness that.

“And I’m not leaving you either. The curse isn't real, it’s just  _ fear.  _ Fear of being wrong, fear that the one you love will find someone better, fear for yourself, fear that your presence will destroy the other person.”

_ The curse isn't real,  _ she repeated to herself, again and again, as if the repetition would imprint it on her skin and her heart and her mind. 

“It’s not real.” She said, and he nodded, “It won't get us.”

“It won't.”

She smiled through the tears, reaching out to him. He took her hand, pulled her closer, and kissed her.

“I love you.”

She kissed him again, longer this time, and once they broke apart he pressed his lips to her forehead.

“I love you too.”

She felt like she could pass out at any moment, completely emotionally and physically exhausted, but at the same she wanted to dance, to scream, to tell Ben what she’d found out. She could wait, figure out something cute to announce it with, but at the same time she just wanted him to  _ know.  _ Wanted to be able to see this miracle as a sign that they were going to be okay, that they weren't a ticking time bomb.

“Close your eyes.”

He raised an eyebrow, but finally did so when she lightly poked his forehead. She hopped off the couch, running over to where she had left her purse on the kitchen table, and pulled out one of the tests. A quick glance told her the line had only gotten darker, and her heart fluttered as she made her way back over to Ben, sitting down across his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close, but kept his eyes shut as she had requested until she whispered for him to open them; holding the test up at eye level.

He looked at the test, studying it for a long moment, and the anxiety began to curl within her again before the look on his face broke into shock, into surprise, and his eyes went soft and loving in that way they did when he held Ria for the first time. 

“I’m pregnant.” She said, as if it wasn't obvious, and before she could say anything else his hands were on her face and their lips were crashing together.

Later, once the flurry of questions she didn't have answers for yet- _ how far along are you? Since the line is so dark do you think it could be more than one?- _ had ended, he sprawled out across the couch like he used to when she was pregnant with Ria, his face pressed against her stomach so he could kiss it between sentences.

“I can’t wait to raise these kids with you.” He whispered, softness and sincerity in his tone, and she could have cried at the sound of it.

“I can't wait either. You’re the only one I ever want to raise them with.”


End file.
